community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
