She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
