cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
