I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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