That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
