I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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