my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
