i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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