He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Welp...herpes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
3pm strippers are depressing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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