She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
