she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
