You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
