I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
