I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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