Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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