just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
