My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
