Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
