My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
