I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
