My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
