$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
