You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
