you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
