All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
