I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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