He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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