OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
