Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
high people should be assigned attendants
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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