I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
