just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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