yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
