This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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