I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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