So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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