I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
