My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
