You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
