Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
