hotel room ftw
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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