So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
