i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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