don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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