thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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