I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
