i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
as a side note pls kill me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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