smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
