My friends, they love my intelligence
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
