i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
