Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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