please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
