Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
