Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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