just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
