hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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