I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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