I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
