i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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