Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
