lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
