Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
