My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
