I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
