We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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