Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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