Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
