Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
