I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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