I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
