my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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