All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
