end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
