If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
