hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
