When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
